Sunday, August 22, 2010

Mister B. Gone

*1/2(out of 4 stars)

One question remains with Clive Barker. Where the hell is Abarat? I want more. I want more soon... damn it!

Back in October of 2007, I was a newly wed. My wife and I tied the knot on the 6th and I was looking forward to opening up a great new chapter in my life. I remember that October breeze gusting up and turning the leaves. The foliage in the hillside and the variety of different colors lining the streets as the leaves fell to a quiet and solemn death.

I was in Barnes and Noble one night right around Halloween time. I saw that the shelves were donning a new Clive Barker book. I was enticed and picked it up. The book looked tattered and burnt, obviously a great marketing gimmick. It looked awesome! Mister B. Gone was the book and a new release from Clive Barker. It was Halloween! What more could you ask for? Um.. Abarat, maybe? Anyway, Barker+Halloween= Sweet deal!

Truth be told, I didn't get the book until Christmas that year. And when I read it, I was ready to call Santa and tell him to take the book back and shove it right up his red, fat ass. Now, I love Clive Barker and most of his works. He's a talented artist and his films, paintings and novels are nothing less then inspiring when I delve into anything Barker is doing. But this book, to put it lightly, is boring, redundant and uninspiring.

Mister B. Gone is a book where a demon named, Jakabok Botch, has possessed the pages. He frequently and tiresomely warns: "Burn this Book". (Doing this kind little favor will set the demon free from the pages.) After awhile, you're willing to comply with his wishes, only because he becomes an annoying little shit. Jakabok, after failing numerous times to pursuade you to burn the book recounts his story. He's from the ninth circle of hell - where the most sinister of sinners dwell. His upbringing was fierce; with unrelentless parents that hated everything about him. After escaping the annuals of hell and witnessing his father's death, Jakabok ends up in the 14th century via a fishing net, no lie.

There he is captured by a priest and his henchmen. Eventually he escapes the clutches of the corrupt clergymen and meets up with another powerful demon named, Quitoon. I know, weird names, huh? The two create havok on their hundred (yes, hundred) year journey. Soon, the duo part ways because of ego/disagreements, resulting in Quitoon threatening Jakabok. I don't know, I guess demons have egos too. But the way they argue you would swear they were demonic lovers.

I won't go into detail about the ending of the book or how Mister B. (what he goes by later in the book), gets stuck in his prison within the pages of the book. You'll have to read to find that one out. I will say that it's a really good idea and hasn't been done yet. Very interesting premise.


I hate to be negative on Clive Barker as I think he's one of the most gifted human beings alive. I just couldn't get into this novel. I will say that Jakabok's threats keep you entertained and turning the pages, but after awhile it just become annoying. Hell, if you're on the 100th page and this guy's still trying to get you to burn the book, why go on with the story? Just stop being a pretentious little demon brat and stop talking. What would've been funnier would be turning the pages and having the rest blank. Then the demon would've won me over. His constant barrage of threats would've meant something, otherwise he's just talking a whole lotta shit and not following through. Regardless, he's a victim of his own game.

I did not burn this book, thus resulting in Jakabok still being confined in the pages.

I will however, hand this book to my worst enemy and let him deal with the little shit.

Mister B. Gone

Written by: Clive Barker

Published by: HarperCollins


  1. Very nice, I was going to buy that book when I saw that you had it. I looked interesting, but it seems that the looks are all it has. I have a few enemies you can give the book to. Give me a call I'll send you the list.

  2. Thanks, man! Glad you're taking the time to read this stuff. This book was pretty boring. But yeah send the list over, they'll get an unexpected x-mas gift from Something's Lurking. Compliments on me.