Tales from the Crypt Episode: Easel Kill Ya

****(out of four stars)

Easel Kill Ya is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the third season. The original air date was back in July of '91.

Tim Roth plays Jack Craig, a struggling painter with a questionable past. We learn that he once had some alcohol problems, yet seems to continue to struggle staying away from a drink. From the very start of the episode, we know that Jack isn't right in the head. It's in his demeanor and his eccentric behavior. He's certainly got some issues, and he's quite down on luck, having not sold a painting in over a year.

One night, while trying to paint, he gets into and argument with his neighbor who is playing his 80's metal way too loud. Jack accidentally knocks over a flower-pot that sits on his fire escape. The pot lands on the metal heads face, thus sending him airborne over the fire escape. The metal head lays in a pool of his own blood. Jack takes some Polaroids of the corpse and is inspired to paint it.

Wanting to make a profit from his painting, he ventures to an art studio owned by Malcolm Mayflower (William Atherton). Mayflower is interested in "morbid art" and immediately is obsessed with Jack's rendition of the dead metal head. He pays Jack a quick 2,000 for the painting and promises 20,000 for his next piece.

Jack's next "morbid art" will be inspired by the premeditated death of his landlady. She's pushed down a flight of stairs and a pair of shears pierces through her stomach. Jack immediately takes photos of his poor victim and begins to paint her. Once again he takes his art to Malcolm and once again he's paid greatly for it.

Sharon is Jack's love interest. Although Jack's paintings are a little odd, she finds him fascinating. They make love one evening, and right in the middle of the action, Jack sees Malcolm's face. He nearly crushes Malcolm's skull in with an alarm clock before realizing that the lovely Sharon is still beneath him. What a way to end the mood! Each character in this episode has equally disturbing issues, but when Sharon fails to leave the house after almost being bludgeoned by Jack, you know she's gotta be messed up.

Jack returns to Malcolm and tells him that the landlady "morbid artwork" is his final piece. Disappointed, Malcolm offers Jack 100,000 for his next art piece. Jack leaves Malcolm, not wanting to do any more art work.

Later, Sharon finds Polaroids of Jack's victims. If she were stupid enough to stick around after that, she'd deserve anything coming to her. She doesn't though, and she runs out of Jack's apartment, fearing for her life. As she runs, she's hit by a car. In the hospital Jack is informed that the best brain surgeon can fix his love. However, it won't come cheap and a whole lotta cash will be needed to perform such an operation. With Malcolm's proposition in mind, Jack heads out to find his next victim. He kills a man outside the hospital and paints an avant-gard style painting out of this victim. Malcolm is again very pleased with the latest piece and payday is rewarded to Jack, who then rushes back to the hospital. In the end, we learn that Jack killed the one surgeon that was set to do Sharon's surgery. In the final seconds of the episode, the cops find Jack a very credible suspect to the murder.

There are tons of great moments in this episode. As a whole it really shines. The performances are great; especially that of Tim Roth. I loved the story of the struggling artist who will do unspeakable acts for the sake of his art. Remember, Jack is desperate and broke. Desperate men (that are equally broke) can become dangerous men, as we've learned from this episode. The entire time I'm watching I'm also asking myself why wouldn't you just get a damn job? You must suffer for your art, no matter what it takes, and Jack Craig is no exception. But, like most of these morality tales, Jack ends up with the shitty end of the stick.

Starring: Tim Roth, William Atherton, Roya Megnot

Directed by: John Harrison

Written by: Larry Wilson

Original airdate: 7/17/91

Tales from the Crypt Episode: Top Billing

****(out of four stars)

Top Billing is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the third season. The original air date was back in June of '91

John Lovitz plays Barry Blye, an unattractive actor looking to win a role in any film. His looks are always holding him back. But lately, Barry's luck is turning out to be worse than usual. His girlfriend is leaving him, his agent has no faith in him and the roles that he seeks are far reached.

With little hope left, Barry inquires about a role as Hamlet held in a run down theatre in the butt hole of NYC. Turns out that Winton Robbins (Bruce Boxleitner), is also there to audition for the role. Winton is better looking, but according to Barry lacks acting talent. Winton and Barry have a bit of history. Winton is looking to out shine the starving actor once again, like he did many years ago. That is Winton's only objective; to prove to Barry that he's better. A grade "A" dick move.

Once inside the theatre they meet the eccentric cast of Hamlet and the overly obsessive director of the play, Nelson Halliwell (Jon Astin). After a brief meeting with Nelson Halliwell, Barry is hurt to find out that Winton will win the role. Once again, Barry's look prove to be the downfall for his success. He just doesn't have the look for the part!

Out of jealousy (or desperation), Barry kills his nemesis by strangulation. He then tell Nelson Halliwell that Winton had the worst case of stage fright he's ever seen. This opens the door for a new talent to play the role of Hamlet.

Like most of these episodes, the twist is the key. It turns out that the role that was won wasn't for the part of Hamlet but rather for the role of Yorick. A character that has been dead for many years. This sets up the real twist, where we find out that all the actors are actually insane patients, who have killed the entire staff at the asylum which is the supposed theatre.

They kill poor Barry for the authenticity of the Yorick character.

I loved this episode and was delighted to revisit it. This episode is compiled with a bunch of great actors and a solid story. Jon Lovitz is great as the desperate actor who is willing to kill for the sake of his "art". Lovitz, known for his comedy, comes off more sympathetic in this role. There's a touch of humor, but it's played much more serious than expected. He realizes that acting is an art form and takes himself and the profession seriously. Even though those surrounding him are negative towards his ambition and efforts. This episodes has heart and at its very core shows sincerity for the art of acting. Top Billing is just one testament as to how genius the third season really is.

Other notable actors in this episode include: Louise Fletcher, Kimmy Robertson and Paul Benedict. They're all bit parts, but you'll still notice them.

Starring: Jon Lovitz, Bruce Boxleitner and John Astin

Directed by: Todd Holland

Written by: Myles Berkowitz

Original Airdate: 6/26/91

Tales from the Crypt Episode: Carrion Death

****(out of 4 stars)

Carrion Death is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the third season. The original airdate was in June of 1991.

Earl Raymond Digs (Kyle MacLachlan) has escaped prison and death row. He robs a bank and kills an officer. After fleeing the scene, a cop on a motorcycle (George Deloy) gives chase through the desert. After a game of "Chicken", Digs shoots out the back tire of the cop's motorcycle. The cop is catapulted off the bike. The bike is still in motion and runs into Digs' getaway car. There's an explosion but Digs escapes before the car erupts in a blaze.

With the cop out of the way, (momentarily) Dig's next move is to cross the Mexican border to freedom.

The cop regains consciousness and begins to follow Digs on foot through the hot, sun scorching desert. Meanwhile, an annoying vulture is following both men. Perhaps hoping to dine on one of the two men? Or both?

Digs runs into an abandoned beer shack. I guess it's a shack, or maybe a store. It's clearly abandoned and not open for business. Once inside the shack, the cop finally catches up with Digs. A fight ensues and the cop handcuffs himself to Digs. In an act of desperation, Digs shoots and kills the cop. With no bullets or anyway to free himself, he's forces to continue on his journey to Mexico, with the dead cop draped over his shoulders.

Later, Digs gets an idea. He makes an axe-like concoction out of the cop's badge and a stick. If his plan works in his favor, he can finally sever ties with the dead cop. With blurry vision, he brings the axe down hard, chopping half of his hand off in the process. He falls back; dangling over the edge of a cliff. With the weight of the cop proving to be to strenuous, Dig's hand is severed and he falls from the cliff. He lands on his back and is horrified to realize that he's now paralyzed. The vulture, hungry for his prey, circles above him. Digs knows he's in a real tough situation as the vulture lands next to him. At the end we see the vulture pulling the eyeball from the head of Digs. The hungry vulture continues to feast as the scene fades to black.

This episode is one of my favorites. I remember this one always sticking with me. This was the one that freaked me out the most as a kid. The thought of knowing that you're paralyzed and unable to fend for yourself is frightening enough. But having a vulture rip out your eye in the process! That's utter madness. I do feel that poor old Digs did deserve what he had coming to him, but geez, that's a bit much isn't it? Kyle MacLachlan does a great job as the lewd and crude, Earl Raymond Digs. A little over the top with the acting, but it fits well with the show and the character. The fx for the time were really well done and still hold up today. If you want some good, quick fun, then hunt this one down. It's a great episode.

Starring: Kyle MacLachlan and George Deloy

Screenplay and Directed by: Steven E. de Souza

Original Airdate: 6/15/91

The Thing from the Grave

****(out of 4 stars)

The Thing from the Grave is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the second season. It originally aired back in May of 1990.

Stacy (Teri Hatcher) is a sexy model who is engaged to a jealous and arrogant agent, Mitch (Miguel Ferrer). Meanwhile, Devlin Coates, (Kyle Secor) is a photographer who loves taking pictures of Stacy. Soon, he begins to fear Stacy's well being with her abusive agent. He gives her a necklace and promises to protect her. Devlin also offers a place for her to crash and she excepts, not a first, but only after a beating by the hands of Mitch. The two delve into a relationship and begin to fall for each other. I know, I know. There's a familiar formula with all of these episodes.

Mitch is constantly trying to win Stacy's love back. He fails. Numerous times. When he finally realizes all is finished he does the only real logical thing that he can think of - kill Devlin. He lures Devlin out to a remote location on the grounds that Stacy is in trouble and in need of help. Once Devlin arrives, he's double-crossed by Mitch. Mitch shoots Devlin and buries him.

With Devlin finally out of the picture (no pun intended) Mitch tries one last time to rekindle the love he and Stacy once shared. No dice! As the episode comes to a close, Mitch has his sexy ex tied to a bed and ready to kill her. He confesses to killing Devlin and burying him. However, in a different shot we see Devlin rise from the grave in an attempt to avenge his lover. The zombie Devlin chases Mitch into the woods, and soon is met with an ugly demise as the dead Devlin buries he and Mitch in the grave.

This episode was directed by Fred Dekker. Many of you may know some of his other notable films: The Monster Squad and Night of the Creeps. This is basically a zombie episode. And one told in a short, concise way that entertains to the fullest. Like many other episodes, we are dealing with the same formula. Most of the time it has to do with money, deceit, murder and love. In these morality plays our bad guy always gets it in the end. Mitch was that guy. Even though he is shown killing the love interest in a fit of jealousy, by the end of the episode he meets the same demise. It's irony at its best.

I've always been a fan of Miguel Ferrer. It's just his demeanor and the way he handles himself in front of the camera. It seems he's been type casted as that asshole, arrogant, son-of-a-bitch character for most of his career. He's got a funny line in this episode when Devlin kindly persuades Mitch to leave the photo shoot. Mitch explodes saying, "Why don't you take this nice, long lens of yours, get it nice and covered with Vaseline and shove it up your fucking ass! Get some shots from the inside of your asshole, hotshot." Fucking brilliant. Miguel Ferrer never fails to entertain me when he's on screen. This episode gets my highest recommendation and Miguel helps cement my opinion.

Cast: Teri Hatcher, Kyle Secor, Miguel Ferrer

Written for the Screen and Directed by: Fred Dekker

Original Airdate: 5/8/90

Three's a Crowd

****(out of 4 stars)

Three's a Crowd is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the second season. It was originally aired back in May of 1990

Richard (Gavan O'Herlihy) and his wife Della (Ruth DeSosa) are planning to take a nice trip to a secluded cabin for their anniversary. Della, however, has been staying out late and acting strange. It seems that she is showing a little too much attention to her ex boyfriend, Alan (Paul Lieber).

Richard and Alan do have some history. Evidently they are good friends, but Richard is envious over Alan's good looks and money. Richard begins to suspect that Alan and Della are having an affair behind his back.

The three eventually head out to a cabin where there is some sort of surprise waiting for Richard. For most of the time, Richard sits alone drowning his sorrows in whiskey as he ponders about the suspected affair. Alan and Della spend most of the time together, leaving Richard alone. They are seen talking secretively and we learn that the two used to have a relationship. Alan tells Richard on numerous occasions that he's a lucky man and that he may have made a mistake by letting Della go. On top of all of this, Richard is feeling guilty over the unsuccessful attempts to give Della a child.

Alan has his own cabin, while Della and Richard sleep in a separate one. Alan and Della return to Alan's cabin frequently and Richard's worst nightmares seem to be coming true. Alan returns to Richard's cabin and says that the surprise is ready for him. Richard's jealousy and rage get the better of him and he eventually kills Alan in a jealous frenzy with a bow and arrow. When Della returns to the cabin, she is chased to an upstairs bedroom where she eludes Richard by jumping out of the window. As she lies on the hard ground Richard strangles her and takes her body to Alan's cabin. But when he opens the door he's greeted with cheers and a big "Surprise" from family and friends. In the end it is revealed that Della was pregnant and she and Alan were planning this party for Richard the entire time.

I loved this episode and thought it was the best one so far out of the second season. Gavan O'Herlihy is great as the jealous husband. His maniacal manner is very believable and by the time he starts offing his wife and friend we almost feel that, in some way, they had it coming to them. Of course, TFTC adds that twist ending that I never saw coming and then you feel stupid rooting for Richard.

This episode is so atmospheric with the music and lighting. The acting is great and you always get the sense of unease. We already know what Richard is plotting; it's clear and obvious. But what we don't know are the intentions of Alan and Della. For the most part, I felt that they were going to off Richard and run off and live happily ever after. Or, at least, that's what director David Burton Morris had us believing. But when you get that final twist of the knife, you feel like you've just slammed your car into a tree going 80mph. This episode gets a high recommendation from me. Just go watch it. You'll be pleased with the way it's constructed and brilliantly written and directed.

Cast: Gavan O'Herlihy, Ruth DeSosa, Paul Lieber

Screenplay by: Kim Ketelsen, Annie Willette and David Burton Morris

Directed by: David Burton Morris

Airdate: 5/1/90

'Til Death

*(out of 4 stars)

Logan (D.W. Moffett) is a gold digging developer who's looking to win over a rich widow named, Margaret (Pamela Glen). Logan's got the money, the good looks and the sly talk, but Margaret isn't playing his game.

Logan goes to a voodoo priestess (also his ex-lover) and she hands him a potion. The potion will do the trick; and will make Margaret fall under his spell. The priestess tells him if he uses one drop she will be his, but two will make Margaret fall in love with Logan forever. Later, Logan slips the potion into Margaret's glass and she eventually falls head over heals for him.

Turns out though, Logan gave his sweetie too much of the love potion. Freddy, (Aubrey Morris) a doctor; declares her dead. They bury her and Logan is struck with grief. The decaying Margaret reemerges from the grave to proclaim her love for Logan. After she decapitates Freddy, Logan tries to kill her, but fails.

In the end scene we see the voodoo priestess has tied down Logan and let Margaret show her undying love for the money hungry developer. The scene fades to black as Margaret, now totally decayed, finishes Logan off. So ends another tale of backstabbing treachery.

This episode is okay, but very forgettable and I don't see the average TFTC fan re watching this one. If you're a zombie or voodoo guy or gal, you can go watch other films done a whole lot better. I like the angle played with the potion: Winning the girl's love. I like her dying and coming back and Logan trying to free himself of his lover's grasp. But for some reason, this episode just didn't gel right for me. It missed the mark somewhere along the way. That's all I can really say. Give it a try for yourself, but I assure you there are an abundance of better episodes waiting for your eyes.

Cast: Pamela Glen, D.W. Moffett

Screenplay by: Jeri Barchilon

Directed by: Chris Walas

Airdate: 4/24/90

Cutting Cards

**(out of 4 stars)

Cutting Cards is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the second season. The show was originally aired back in April of 1990.

Reno Crevice, (Lance Henriksen) a hard-nosed redneck and Sam Forney, (Kevin Tighe) a businessman are two rivals who love to gamble. When egos explode the two try to settle the score by a simple game of Russian roulette. The bullet ultimately is revealed to be a dud and both men deny having been responsible for it.

Sam suggest a better game; a game that the two are more familiar with - poker. Money is not at stake in this game of poker though. They are playing for their hands... fingers... and other body parts... literally.

They end up in a small room with two witnesses and a dealer. The cards are dealt and the hands are played. With each win the other loses a finger and so on and so on. Both men risk life and limb to out do the other. By the end of the episode, both men are legless, armless and playing a game of chess with their noses.

This episode is regarded by some fans of the show as one of the best. Although I think it's a good episode I found it kind of boring. It felt too one dimensional and way over the top, even for TFTC standards. What would've been better about this game was a winner. I just wish Reno would've kicked Sam's ass and left him in a pile of putrid flesh.
The acting was good and Lance Henriksen is great as Reno Crevice. The lighting of the episode reminded me of Argento or the Cohens. Blues and reds blanket each scene; giving the picture a nice dreary tone.

Cast: Kevin Tighe and Lance Henriksen

Screenplay by: Mae Woods and Walter Hill

Directed by: Walter Hill

Airdate 4/21/90

The Switch

**(out of 4 stars)

The Switch is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the second season. It's directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger. The original air date was April of 1990.

A wealthy, elderly man, Carlton (played by Willam Hickey) wants the affection and love of a young, beautiful woman, Linda (Kelly Preston). But when Linda tells him he is too old, Carlton goes to see a surgeon to defy his aging. But the surgeon can only make him look ten years younger. This does not sit well with Carlton. The surgeon inquires him about another physician; a more suitable person for the type of operation needed. And a more expensive one!

He meets the doctor (Roy Brocksmith) and for a hefty price, the doctor offers to change Carlton's face with that of his young associate, Hans, (Rick Rossovich) who will receive all of the money from the operations. After the surgery is complete, Carlton finds Linda again, only to be told that his body is still too old. After a few more operations the switch is complete. Carlton is a younger, more rejuvenated man; but left penniless. Upon seeing Linda again, for the final time - and asking her hand in marriage - he's sad to find out that she has already tied the knot with Hans. Although Hans is much older, he can financially take care of Linda, in the event that something were to happen to him. In the end, poor old Carlton had his youth back, but was left without the love of Linda or a pot to piss in.

This very much felt like a take on the Frankenstein story, but with TFTC flavor. It's also a story about the fear of getting old and rejection. Some can say, without a religious opinion, that death is the end. Lights out, game over. But what if we could consult a doctor to reverse the effects? What if we could defy aging and turn back the clocks to relive our lives. Immortality. For whatever the reason - love or security - if we could do it, we would. Although this episode is short and too the point, there are many philosophical elements that kept me intrigued and made me reflect on the notion.

Cast: William Hickey, Kelly Preston, Roy Brocksmith and Rick Rossovich

Screenplay by: Michael Taav and Richard Tuggle

Directed by: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Air date: 4/21/90

Dead Right

***(out of 4 stars)


Dead Right is a Tales from the Crypt episode from the second season. This episode originally aired back in April of '90. It stars Demi Moore and Jeffrey Tambor.

Kathy Finch (Demi Moore) is an attractive secretary. One afternoon on her lunch break she goes to see Madam Vorma, a local psychic. Madam Vorna tells her that she will be fired from her job, but will find one immediately following her termination. Kathy's skeptical and says that it's impossible to be fired because her boss is away. She leaves Madam Vorma, (who's always right) thinking that she's a phony.

In the next scene we see that Kathy's boss has unexpectedly returned from his trip and fires Kathy because she took an extensive lunch brake. Kathy is then hired off the street to work as a waitress in a local strip club.

Realizing Madam Vorma was correct, she goes back to see her. This time Vorma tells Kathy that she will marry a man who will inherit a sufficient sum of money, then, shortly after he will die a violent death. Meanwhile back at the strip club she runs into Charlie Marno, a hefty, grotesque, slob of a man who tries to win Kathy's heart. After repeatedly trying to get her attention (and with the advice of Madam Vorma) Kathy succumbs to Charlie's wishes and goes on a few dates with him. The money hungry Kathy sees this as an lucrative opportunity and marries Charlie; because Vorma said he was the man she would marry. The man with the eventual inheritance.

Later on, Kathy Finch (now Kathy Marno) wins a million dollars for being the millionth customer at a local automat. She hurries home to pack up and leave her obese hubby. Charlie is heart broken and stabs her to death, saying: "If I can't have you, nobody will."

Charlie inherits her money but eventually is put to death for the murder of his wife.

This episode is a classic and always a good one to revisit. I like the acting throughout and I must say that Demi has a set of killer legs on her. I loved the character of Charlie Marno and thought that Jeffrey Tambor did a fine job. In fact, he carried the show for me. I felt bad for the guy as he never gets a good break. He's a sympathetic character, yet oddly comedic at times. The moral message here is money kills. No matter how or where you get it from don't succumb to its power. It will never turn out good for you.

Kathy did win the money but didn't get to enjoy it. Meanwhile, fat Charlie eats his final meal and ends up dead. Nobody wins!

Starring: Demi Moore and Jeffrey Tambor

Screenplay by: Andy Wolk

Directed by: Howard Deutch

Airdate: 4/21/90